Stupid Cupid
by LilMissLibra
Summary: It's hard work being a Cupid. Especially when you accidentally shoot the wrong person, and now you have to make two total enemies fall in love.


"What is it, Ari?" Nils said crisply upon answering his call, as if he already knew something was wrong. Well, Ari only ever called him when something was wrong, but still.

"I have a…situation," he replied sheepishly, cringing slightly when he heard the heavy sigh from the other side of the line.

"What's the situation?"

"I, um, missed?"

"You missed, okay. Could you clarify?"

"I missed my target."

"So shoot another arrow and aim better this time."

"No, I mean I missed my target and hit someone else." Silence from the other side. Ari shifted uncomfortably, switching the phone to his other ear. "Are you still there, Nils?"

"You hit the wrong person?"

"Yes, I just said that." His boss gave another heavy sigh.

"You have really awful aim, you know."

"It wasn't my fault! I was aiming for the right person, and this obnoxious guy just shoved right past him and took the arrow instead!"

"Well, who was it? I'll have to document this."

"Well, I hit Björn like I was supposed to."

"Björn Oxenstierna?"

"Yes."

"Okay, and he was supposed to be paired with one Timo Väinämöinen. Who did you hit?"

"Um, Christen Køhler."

"Hold on, let me look him up." Ari listened to the _click-clicking_ of Nils's fingers on the keyboard. "Okay, chemistry between them is at 80%, so that's pretty good. Oh, no…"

"What is it?"

"Compatibility is at 0%."

"What?" Ari screeched, nearly dropping his phone. "Is that even possible?"

"Apparently, because they hate each other's guts."

"Oh, no."

"Well, it sounds like you're going to have to fix this."

"How?"

"I don't know, Ari. People have to actually like each other before they can love each other, so that's probably a good start."

"But why me?" He knew he was whining, but he also knew that Nils would let it slide.

"You know what'll happen if you can't get them to fall in love."

A Cupid's arrow's effects could last anywhere from twenty to forty years, and once a person was pierced by one it was unlikely they would ever find another love as powerful. So the people who are pierced but don't fall in love never will.

"Looks like they work together," Nils commented. "Their boss must have it as bad as me then."

"Hey! This was_ so_ not my fault!"

"Either way, you're still cleaning up this mess. I would suggest trying to get a job where they work. I'll forward you the info."

"Wait, Nils, what's going to happen to the other guy? The one I missed."

"Who, Timo? Looks like he's compatible with plenty of people, so we'll easily find him another match. And we'll have someone else do the shooting."

"Right…"

"Good luck."

"Yeah, thanks."

Ari sighed as he hung up. _I really messed this one up_, he thought. He had transferred to the Oslo headquarters six months ago, and he had finally finished training, and now this happens. His phone beeped at him happily, signaling that his boss had sent him the information he promised. He already had the profile on Björn, age 25 from Stockholm, so he glanced over Christen's profile. He was also 25, but he hailed from Copenhagen. _Well, no wonder they hate each other. Still, with 80% chemistry, this shouldn't be too hard…_

They both worked at a hardware store, and while Ari had never worked with his hands much in his life, he absolutely had to get a job there. So he jumped on the tram and found the store, and to his luck there was a sign out front asking for applicants.

He found both Björn and Christen at the front of the store when he walked in. They turned to look at him, deep frowns creasing their faces, showing that they had just been fighting.

"Um, I'm here about the open position," Ari said, looking between the two of them.

"You'll wanna talk to Einar," said the man he identified as Christen, his face smoothing into an easy smile. "I'll go get 'im."

"No need," said Björn, the frown remaining firmly on his face. "I'll take ya to his office."

They turned to glare at each other again. "I said I'd do it," Christen hissed.

"You've got a register to watch," Björn countered.

"Why don't I just show myself to his office?" Ari suggested, stepping between the two. "Where is it?"

They both pointed to the back of the store, and Ari walked in that direction with what he hoped was a confident air. He knocked lightly on the office door and entered when prompted. Einar was a kind looking middle-aged man who had maybe one too many wrinkles for his age.

"What can I do ya for?" he asked, swiveling his chair around to look at the boy in the doorway.

"My name is Ari Steilsson, and I would like to apply for a job."

The man assessed him silently, squinting slightly. "Do you have any experience?" He spoke clearly now that he had heard Ari's accent. This happened a lot when he spoke Norwegian, and he would have appreciated it, if he didn't strike him as condescending.

"With hardware, no," he replied slowly, "but I have lots of experience working with people." That was true enough, anyway.

"Do you now?"

"Yes, like customer service," he explained, trying to remember everything he had thought of on the tram. "I'm really good at soothing tensions between people."

"Really?" The man stuck his hand out, giving the boy a firm handshake. "Einar Amundsen, pleasure to meet ya."

Just then, they heard shouts coming from the front of the store. Ari made to move out of the office, but Einar put up a hand. "That's just Björn and Christen. They're great boys, but they couldn't get along if their lives depended on it."

_Great, that's encouraging._

"I'll tell you what," continued the man. "I'll hire you on, but you have to get them to stop fighting all the time. 's driving away customers. _It's_ driving away customers."

"Right, gotcha. When can I start?"

"How about right now?" The man grabbed an apron from the wall and tossed it towards the boy. "Go tell Christen to train you on the register, and tell them not to shout so."

"I'm on it, boss."

He tied the apron on as he walked back up to the front. Christen and Björn were bickering over how to arrange the key chains in front of the register. _You've got to be kidding me,_ Ari thought, suppressing an eye roll.

"That was fast," Christen said when he saw the boy return. "The old man must be desperate, if he's hiring a tiny thing like you."

"You're supposed to train me," Ari said, pretending not to have heard him. _If this jerk hadn't shoved past Timo, I wouldn't even be in this mess._

"Right, but first tell me, don't ya think it should be up to me to arrange the front display? Since I work up front, and this joker's s'posed to stay in the back."

"Um," Ari began, shifting awkwardly. _I'm supposed to play mediator._ "Normally it would be your job, I think. But this display looks terrible."

"Told ya," Björn said, moving to fix the display.

"I'll fix it," Air said, moving in between the tall man and the key chains. _Honestly, what is their problem?_ "You have more important things to do, don't you?"

"Mh," was the only reply he received from the Swede.

"I'm Ari."

"'s a funny name," Christen commented. "Where're ya from?"

"Reykjavik."

"Oh, right, a course." He nodded quickly, crossing his arms. "I'm Christen, nice to meetcha."

"I'm Björn, and I'm sorry ya gotta work with this idiot."

"Ya got a lotta nerve, Oxenstierna. Least I'm pleasant."

"Least I do my work."

"It's nice to meet you both," Ari said loudly before they could start fighting again. They turned to look at him, blinking, then Björn walked towards the back.

"Good luck," he said gruffly over his shoulder. Ari watched his strong back disappear among the shelves of tools.

"Just ignore that guy," Christen said. "So you're from Iceland? That means ya speak Danish, right?"

"Yes," replied the boy carefully. Christen smiled brightly, slipping into his native, guttural language.

"I'm from Copenhagen, but everyone pretends not to understand me if I speak Danish 'round these parts." _They're probably not pretending._

Christen was actually really pleasant. Sure, he was loud, but he was nice to everyone who entered the store, giving them a hearty "good day!" He showed Ari how the register worked, which was pretty straight-forward, so he had plenty of time to rearrange that dreaded key chain display.

"I don't understand what's wrong with it," Christen said. "Looks fine t' me."

"You could at least have _tried_ to organize these," Ari said, sorting them by color and price.

"You sure you're really speaking Danish? Ya sound funny."

"Funny name, funny accent," Ari sighed. "Is there anything else about me you don't like?"

"I didn't say I didn't like it." The Dane winked at him, startling the Icelander into nearly dropping the key chains in his hand. He busied himself with the display, refusing to meet his gaze.

"So why don't you get along with Björn?" he asked casually.

"I think Danes and Swedes are just natural enemies."

"That's petty."

"Might be, but who cares? I don't hafta get along with him, so long as I don't kill him."

"Still, you two work together. Surely it'd be easier if you two weren't always fighting."

"Well, I _was_ nice to him at first, but then he told me we weren't friends and there was no use pretendin'."

"What'd you do to him?"

"I didn't do nothin'! He just takes everything way too seriously!"

"Huh."

Later in the day, Björn came back up to the front of the store.

"Einar says I'm s'posed to train ya now," he said to Ari, blatantly ignoring the other man at the register.

"Alright," replied the boy, ducking around Christen and stepping out from behind the counter. He followed the man around the store, learning the layout of the shelves. Then Björn showed him the storage room and explained how they kept inventory. "So, um," Ari began carefully when he had finished speaking.

"Mh?"

"Why don't you get along with Christen?"

"You see how he is, can ya blame me?"

"Well, he told me that he was nice to you before, and you, uh, rebuked him."

"That I did."

"Any reason why?" Ari prompted when the man gave no explanation.

"Kissed my girlfriend."

"What?" If that was true, the chances of this working out just went into the negatives. 0% compatibility, indeed.

"Don't really wanna talk about it."

"Right, sorry."

They worked the rest of the shift in silence. It wasn't a bad kind of silence, but Ari felt awkward about it anyway. _Why did that dumbass have to get in the way of my arrow? This guy would have been perfect for that Timo guy. This sucks, I'm seriously going to ruin these people's lives._

Ari rode the train home in a foul mood, and he called Nils as soon as he entered his apartment.

"Done already?" asked the man snidely.

"You know I'm not," Ari huffed. "Nils, I don't think I can fix this. I don't think those two will ever stop hating each other."

"Well, I supposed I could do it myself," mused his boss. "But I don't see one reason why I should."

"Please, Nils, I can't do this."

"Ari, it's been one day. Not even. 'Sides, I'm rerouting all your other assignments, so I don't have time to clean this up for you."

"You're taking my assignments away from me?"

"Can you honestly blame me?"

Ari bit his shaking lip, cursing himself silently for feeling so upset. He gripped his phone tightly, taking an unsteady breath. He heard the other man sigh.

"Listen, Ari, maybe you're just not cut out to be a Cupid," he said gently. "That's not the worst thing."

"My moms are both Cupids."

"I know."

"It's not like it's a hard job."

"Thanks for that." Nils sighed again. "Look, just get through this assignment, and then we can talk some more, okay?"

"I really don't think I can get them to like each other," Ari sniffled.

"Let me tell you something that I've learned through experience. People with chemistry that strong don't truly hate each other."

He hung up, leaving Ari to think it over. Really, all he had to do was get them to like each other at least a little, right? Then their attraction towards each other would speed things up, and the arrows would do the rest of the job. Maybe, if they would just show the tiniest hint of kindness towards each other…But then again, if Christen stole Björn's girlfriend or something, this was most likely hopeless.

So he confronted Christen about it the next day when he was training on the register again.

"What?" laughed the older man incredulously. "He really said that I kissed his girlfriend?"

"Yeah, but I don't think it's very funny."

"Think about it, Ari. Does he seem like the kinda guy who's ever had a girlfriend?"

"Oh." Ari did think about it, mentally reviewing Björn's profile. "_Oh._"

"Exactly. He's lyin', the bastard."

"I bet he wouldn't if you were nicer to him."

"Why should I be when he's the one spreadin' rumors around?"

Ari crossed his arms, frowning at Christen. "If you both wait until the other starts being nice, you'll never get along."

"But why do I hafta be the one to start it?"

"Have you ever heard the phrase 'Be the better man'?"

"Yeah, I have." He looked pensive for a moment. "Is that what that means?"

"That you stop being a stubborn asshole before the other guy? Yeah."

"I guess I can give it a try."

Twenty minutes later, Björn came up front with a small cardboard box. "More keychains," he explained, setting it down next to the display. "Looks good. Better'n before, anyway."

"Thanks," Ari said drily.

"Oh, Björn!" Christen said before the other man walked away.

"Yeah?" he said gruffly.

"Um…" Christen looked at Ari, lost for words. Björn muttered _idiot,_ turning to walk away. "Oh, I, um, like your shirt!" The taller man turned back to look at him in surprise. Then he narrowed his eyes, giving a tight smile.

"Thanks, I'll make sure to burn it later."

He walked away, and Christen pointed at his back, giving Ari a _did you see that crap?_ kind of look. Ari just shrugged in response. _You win some, you lose some_.

"Man, being the better man sucks," said the man when Björn had disappeared.

"Really? You think being better than him sucks?"

"Well, I guess when you put it that way…"

"The nicer you are to him, the better you'll be."

Christen smiled to himself, which wasn't an unpleasant picture at all. Ari felt his mood lift immensely. _Maybe I can just trick them into liking each other._

"I'm gonna tell him how much I appreciate his hard work. I'll even send him a card!"

"Maybe you shouldn't take it that far…" _Man, as cute as he is, he's dumb as bricks._

Björn didn't come up front again, and Ari was starting to wonder if he should go train with him again. "Why don't you go back there and ask him?" Christen asked when he expressed his thoughts "Oh, tell him I was kind enough to send ya."

"Will do," said the boy offhandedly, stepping out from the register.

He found Björn in the storage room, shirtless. _Well, that's…quite a sight._ "Um, where is your shirt?" he asked, averting his eyes from the musc-er, _man_ in front of him.

"Christen said he liked it. Figured there was somethin' wrong with it," he explained.

"There wasn't."

"Don't quite believe ya."

"I'm not sure why. You're the one who lied to me yesterday."

"I might've."

Ari tried to look at him without looking at his chest. "Is that all you have to say for yourself?"

"Can't really defend myself if ya don't tell me what you're accusing me of."

"You said Christen kissed your girlfriend."

"Yeah."

"That's a lie."

"Yeah."

"Care to explain why?"

"'s easier than sayin' I just don't like 'im."

"And what does that say about you?"

"I don't get your meanin'."

"You'd rather spread lies about Christen than try to get along with him."

Björn fell silent, and Ari watched him work out of the corner of his eye. The tall man's muscles flexed as he lifted a box, and his face was screwed up in thought.

"You've been workin' with 'im," he said finally. "Can you really blame me?"

"Yes," Ari answered immediately, earning a sharp look from the other man. "I mean, I wouldn't normally, but it's getting in the way of your work."

"Probably true."

"And you're turning Einar's hair gray." At that, Björn gave a short laugh and turned away from Ari. The younger watched those well-formed back muscles shake silently, and he smiled to himself.

"'m not sure I could get along with Christen if I tried."

"I bet it's easier than you think."

"Do you now."

"It's just a matter of being kind. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

"I'll never say anything again."

Ari suppressed a smile. "Make something up, then."

"'s gonna take a while."

They worked for a while in comfortable silence before Ari's phone beeped. "Sorry," he muttered, silencing it. A glance at the screen told him he had a new text from Nils.

"Who's that?" Björn asked.

"My brother," Ari lied.

"Nils doesn't sound very Icelandic."

"He's my half-brother. It's kind of complicated."

"I see."

The workday was almost done, so Ari turned to Björn and admitted "Einar only hired me, because he thinks I can get you and Christen to get along."

"I'll do my best, just for you," Björn said, winking. Ari blushed, once again very aware of his coworker's state of undress.

"You should put your shirt back on before you leave."

"Maybe."

Ari completely forgot about the text from Nils until he got home that night. [Report] it demanded.

[I got them both to try to get along] he replied.

[Good. I just checked, and their compatibility is up to 5%]

Ari nearly jumped for joy. 5% wasn't much, but it was a huge improvement from 0%. Since no one was around to see him, he allowed himself to smile widely. As if in response to that, his phone beeped again. [Don't get too proud of yourself. You've still got a long way to go] His smile faded back into a frown.

[Got it, boss]


End file.
